I wished for this thing.  

 I do love a statement necklace and this one certainly makes a bold statement. What that statement is remains unclear. I’m a palaeontologist? I’ve too much money? (I haven’t – I’m just a buffoon with the money I do have and have to fling it at things like a man wi’ nae airms as Marlene used to say (Dawkins rest her soul)

I practically wore out the bloody website over a period of several months looking at this necklace – wishing for it, coveting it, flirting with it, visualising it ‘ponst my chest,  adding it to basket, abandoning the basket, rinse and repeat times about ahunnerandtwenny. I finally purchased it three weeks ago during a 20% aff everything day. Guess what? I didn’t like it. It was jaggy. And not worth what I paid for it, in my very own humble opinion. 

I tried it on and ponced around the house for a while, admiring myself in shiny surfaces, decided I didn’t like it resting on my matron shelf before finally packaging it back up and schlepping it to the post office to return it by Special Delivery which cost me seven of your British pounds thank you very much and waited patiently for the hundred odd pounds (I know. I’m a bloody fool and a profligate one at that) to slither back in to my bank account. 

Imagine my dismay then to receive an email from the company yesterday to say that they were unable to refund the necklace because “it looked like it had been worn”! Bastards! Of course I’d worn it – I tried it on for chrissake. 

So they’re sending it BACK to me. Bloody stupid necklace. It’s had “mair comebacks than Frank Sinatra”, again as Marlene used to say (Dawkins etc…)

The moral of the story? I don’t know yet, but I’ll bloody find one. Something about be careful what you wish for because you might not get your money back and it’ll turn in to a fucking albatross round your neck – or in this case a perspex Tyrannosaur Rex? 

Yeah that works.