Dream eating

I wake up during the night a lot. Specifically I wake up at 02:30 a lot but that might just be confirmation bias – I pick up my phone, note the time, (2:30 in the ayy emm, nine times out of ten) and thrust the phone into a baffled, sleeping Tucker’s face while going “see? It’s bloody half two in the morning AGAIN and I’m awake” which usually makes him growl before sighing and rolling over on to his back with his bandy wee legs in the air, urine stained winky hair glinting in the moonlight.  Tucker’s a dog by the way. Felt need to clarify. 

The awake at 2.30 thing happened again yesterday morning. Another strange thing I’ve noticed is that I wake up starving. Maybe that’s WHY I wake up. I doubt it though – I don’t have mealtimes as such – preferring instead to have one long continuous day long sweet/savoury/sweet/savoury binge. 

I woke up hangry at 02.30 yesterday and remembered there was Mars Bar crispy cake in the fridge. So I tidied up the raggedy edge of it and then cut it into a nice square shape. Then I just smoothed off another couple of rough edges leaving a pleasing rhomboid shape, returning to bed triumphant and riding the crest of a big chocolatey sugar rush. 

I wonder if I’m sleepwalking? Is that possible? It always feels a bit dreamlike when the alarm goes off and I half remember eating my way through the fridge in the dead of night like Nigella. Nutella more like. 

Stop Press – I just broke the pattern. I woke up at 4.29 (after a panic inducing sweaty nightmare that makes you realise all the insecurities you thought you were successfully hiding from the world are actually floating above your head in a speech bubble for all the world to see, making you want your mummy at 5 in the morning). To calm down I’m listening to a TED talk on teaching monkeys how to use money. Interested to see how it pans out. Maybe they could teach me, if it becomes a proper methodology because I sure as shit might as well be a monkey jabbing indiscriminately at the buttons on an ATM given the money I’m haemorrhaging out of my account on ill-considered pointless stuff eg Perspex Tyrannosaraus Rex necklaces