It’s not all about Pufflings. 

Finally! Managed to upload all 3000 pics from my iPhone to iCloud which optimised the space on the iPhone which in turn allowed me to update the software to iOSwhatever and now I can’t remember why I was so desperate to get iOSwhatever in the first place. I probably just had iOS envy. I think I’ve still got baby brain, and the baby is nearly 25. 
You might ask how/why I have 3000 pictures on my iPhone and that would be a perfectly valid question. 2000 of them are screenshotted recipes for things I’ll never make and the rest are variously interesting clouds, my car, Tucker and selfies of me (who else would they be selfies of?) Iooking gormless, and photos of the shopping lists on my fridge (it’s black, so I cleverly use chalk pens to scrawl eg “bog roll” “Femfresh” and other front and back bottom related items on it)

In other exciting news I took delivery of a Tesco shop on Friday night. At least it actually arrived this time. The last time I did one I spent the whole two hour delivery slot with my nose pressed against the living room window thinking “any minute now…anyyyyy minute nnnnnowwww…” Alas t’was all in vain. No Tesco van. Spoiling for a fight, I crabbitly fired up the laptop to check I’d picked the right delivery slot and realised that the screen was stuck on one of the five thousand layers of payment authorisation. You can imagine the ensuing rage. I’m sick of living in this nanny state. Stop the world! I want off! I want to live in a world where I can abuse over the counter medication with impunity! I want to mix ‘n’ match my over the counter pharmaceuticals with my prescription pharmaceuticals without some spotty youth going “are you on any other medication?” I always answer no because frankly we don’t have all day and HELLOOOO I HAVE DR GOOGLE ON SPEED DIAL HONEY AND I’M NOT AFRAID TO CONSULT HIM SO POINT BEING I’VE DONE MY RESEARCH SO HAND OVER THE GOODS AND TAKE MY MONEY, SPOTTY. I want to take codeine based products for more than three days! I want to use my bank card to buy stuff I don’t need on dodgy websites and to hell with the consequences! I want to buy alcohol 24/7 and I don’t even drink that often! But I reserve the fucking right to. 
My shopping this week wasn’t without issue though, and caused the offspring to exclaim “mum, you’ve got wipes here for every orifice!” That’s as maybe, daughter, but personal hygiene is not something one can afford to be parsimonious about. 
For some reason I’d also ordered two massive bags of potatoes, a MASSIVE loaf, and two of the biggest mangos I have personally ever clapped eyes on, which of course I then used as comedy boobs because you should always leave them with a laugh. The Tesco Man tripped over an equally shocked Tucker in his rush to get out and left a Tesco Man shaped hole in the front door as he went through it without opening it. 
If anybody needs potatoes, knock twice at the Shagger’s Glint and ask for Miss Baps. You’ll have to just shout knock knock though until I get the hole in the door repaired. (The Shagger’s Glint is what the house would be called if I ran it as a Bed and Breakfast, we decided, although it’s very theoretical that I’d ever do that given my slovenly approach to housewifery). The provenance of the name Shagger’s Glint isn’t fit for publication here (lawsuit and slander/libel waiting to happen) so don’t ask, thank you. 
Right, that’s enough nonsense for today. I’m off to fester some more about how disproportionately irked I am at the great passive aggressive cardigan-off-back-of-chair removing incident of yore. Still seething. 
Things I know today that I didn’t know yesterday: a baby Puffin is called a Puffling! Awwww.

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