I’ve been busy. 

I just typed “apologies for dearth of blogging” and made myself chuckle. I always chuckle when I read “apologies for not blogging for a while” on blogs, as if everyone’s hanging on to sanity by their fingertips, waiting for the next pronouncement, yet here I am apologising for dearth of blogging. Truth is, I’ve been so busy. I’m not sure what I’ve been busy with – mostly staring at my phone scrolling through social media feeds and of course working to keep Scotland’s economy buoyant, both directly and indirectly through gainful employment and online shopping (four bras, a tartan frock that turned out to be indecently short so has been repurposed as a top to avoid sending back because hello Post Office anxiety, three fancy new holders for the Fitbit, a book I read years ago and gave to a charity shop then recently decided I wanted to read again so purchased it second hand on Amazon for a tenner and is probably my original book dammit to hell in a handcart, a plethora of snake oil anti-ageing remedies and of course more MAC cosmetics than you can shake a stick at, egged on by daughter the makeup artist). 

There’s been the usual navel gazing of course, induced by the shitawful July/August weather. The sun shone on Saturday though, which, if I wasn’t such a heathen atheist, I would say was timely divine intervention for the gorgeous wedding of the lovely Scott and Jill, which I was fortunate enough to attend, done up like a fish supper, thus, as my granny used to say. 

  
Such a beautiful wedding and such a lovely way to spend a Saturday, unlike Sunday which consisted mainly of moping and picking up Tucker’s hot poops, alarmingly neon green and yellow with the fluff he’d chewed off his squeaky toy bone. I can think of nicer ways to spend a Sunday. 

Didn’t see the current* Mrs Tigerbaps this weekend, much to our mutual disappointment I’m sure, although I’m quietly confident that she limped through her weekend with aplomb, despite not being privy to my fervent chin tweezing and scowling at proffered cups of tea that don’t come up to my internationally accepted tea shade chart standards. 

*I say current Mrs Tigerbaps in revenge for her use of the word current in relation to a reference to me – the current Mrs Fabulous – in HER shitty blog. It’s the suggestion of impermanence I resent. It kept me on my toes though. I’m all sweetness and light now. It won’t last, mind.

Check out her musings at https://fabulousles.wordpress.com/2015/08/07/cilla/

But come back here. Don’t like her more than me. I’ll make you a cake. I’ll babysit your children. Anything. Just like me. 

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