Fork ‘andles. 

I’m in trouble. 

Does anybody feel like ordering some Partylite candles? I promised to have a virtual Partylite party for somebody so they got discount or a guaranteed place in heaven or something but as usual the road to hell is paved with good intention and it’s now a month later and, true to form, I’ve done hee-haw about it except move the brochures around my kitchen table, tutting at them. I did halfheartedly take a brochure in to work but ruined my efforts by writing a creepy pleading whiny note on it which probably put people off, and only prompted some wag to write “fork handles!” on my Post-it note (I wish I’d invented them) which I then had to explain to the office youngs. 

Candles make a very acceptable gift and with Christmas just around the corner oh Christ I’m bored with this candle flogging. Look if you know me in real life, help a sister out and buy some shitting candles, okay? 

It’s no surprise that my illustrious career in financial services lasted exactly a year – the industry probably breathed a collective sigh of relief when I moved on, having perversely convinced my customer base that life was too short for life insurance and retirement planning. I don’t think I legitimately sold a single thing. 

But yeah candles are great. Woohoo. Let’s hear it for candles. Candles candles candles. Buy them. From me. I thank you. 

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