Rollerblading on beaches. 

Hello! I’ve just popped in to say I’ve got loads of blog posts in draft form again, waiting to be polished up and floated off into the sea of Tigerbaps as I salute them bravely on their way. 

Sorry about the weird analogy above – I just kinda ran with it. In my defence I’m “off my tits” on antibiotics, as the young folk say, if one CAN be off one’s tits on antibiotics. If one can’t be off one’s tits on antibiotics I’ve just invented it, because my tits feel very much off of. 

Oh alright since you ask I’m on antibiotics for a paronychia. http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/1106062-overview#a4

You’ll note that I shun the Wikipedia for medical references, preferring instead to consult medical journals where they talk about the ‘quality of life’ expected following minor ailments like a sore thumb. I can expect to lead a full life according to e-medicine above. That’ll make a change then. I hope I don’t start rollerblading along beaches with Tucker, or windsurfing and smiling like they do in the adverts. I don’t have the build for windsurfing. I’d drop like a stone. 

The aforementioned paronychia is fucking agony. It resulted from a week of finger skin biting, which I know is disgusting but is my go-to disgusting habit if I’m feeling stressy, which I currently am for no good reason. The pain from this stupid condition is horrendous and throbbing – and the only relief to be had is by holding the stupid thumb aloft – even in bed – as if hailing an imaginary taxi or channeling The Fonz. 

Going to the doctor with this stupid ailment is embarrassing but necessary, so in I blustered, thumb aloft, shouting “HELLO HOW ARE YOU I’VE GOT A PARONYCHIA AGAIN WHAT AM I LIKE”. Weirdly we stood for the whole consultation, which lasted 90 seconds exactly from blustering in to prescription. I’m wondering if this is a new thing, standing up at the doctor. I’m due my cervical smear soon, so that’ll be fun, blustering in going “HELLO HOW ARE YOU I’M HERE FOR MY SMEAR” as I stand naked from the waist down, legs akimbo. 

So now I have horrible antibiotics which give me ALL the side effects including, apparently, narcolepsy, judging by the rapid onset of sleep last night. I sure feel weird today, and my thumb’s still throbbing.

As soon as my thumb recovers and I’m leading a full life with my rollerblading on beaches with Tucker and doing smiley windsurfing I’ll polish up the myriad draft blog posts and salute them off to the sea of Tigerbaps. 

PS – I’ve started a whole ‘nother blog. Stand by for inaugural post when my thumb stops throbbing. It’s an “instructional” blog…

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